


You Can Rest Now.

by viviixen



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Drabble, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Irondad, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), References to Depression, Spoilers, This Is STUPID, and Sad™, but does he get one?, endgame ruined me, he really does, lol no, spiderson, this is a vent yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 15:44:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18702601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viviixen/pseuds/viviixen
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS ENDGAME SPOILERS ENDGAME SPOILERS!!!----In which Peter forgets that Tony's not here to hold him anymore, so instead of floating, he sinks.Death feels a lot like falling asleep.





	You Can Rest Now.

**Author's Note:**

> marvel really said screw parker lives, and this is what my brain does with it. im sorry (but pls enjoy anyways, i love yall <3)

After the Avengers reversed the Decimation, five years later, Peter goes back to school. 

Back, where nearly everyone aged. Peter feels alone, even if Ned and MJ are there. 

Five years.

His student ID has a star in the corner, a star that means  _ gone. _

New York’s air tastes bitter and stale, appropriate.

Aunt May has sad eyes when she looks at him. Five years without him, she fell apart.

~~ It’s his fault, he thinks. His fault, for not getting the gauntlet off the first time, five years ago. His fault for not catching Dr. Strange during that chase.  ~~

He tells everyone he’s okay, even when he’s not. He’s not because Aunt May fell apart, and he isn’t allowed to. So he holds himself together by the seams, pretending he doesn’t see Mr. Stark, Tony, dying every night. ~~Pretending that it isn’t Uncle Ben all over again.~~

He wanders the halls like a ghost. The posters changed. The lockers were a different color. Teachers resigned. Its 2023 but Peter’s five years younger, and those who aren’t look at him with curious eyes. He feels like an animal in a zoo. 

~~ This is his cage.  ~~

He’s been through this four times, he tells himself. He should be able to handle this. But he’s too tired to ignore his dark maze of guilt and spiralling numbness. He’s drowning in his mind, and he can’t care enough to breathe. He’s been through this four times, he’d do anything to make it his last. 

Today is a good day. Tuesday, April 28th, 2023. 2023, not 2018. 

He keeps a mental calendar, so that he has something to remember besides the periodic table.

~~Mr. Stark’s favorite element was sodium.~~

Today is a good day, at least it starts like that. He shakes hands with Ned, and Ned talks at him about all the things they used to. Today he’s Peter, not an animal.

His schedule changed completely when he went back, but he gets used to walking into the wrong classrooms at the wrong times. It’s all he can do. 

He’s adrift. He pinches himself so he doesn’t float too far, ~~like dust on the wind.~~

He wonders why no one else felt it, sometimes. He wonders why he was the only one to feel his atoms rip apart and sow themselves back together, before giving up and blowing away. 

He knows what it feels like to dissolve, and he’s the only one. 

Today is a good day, he thinks sourly. Today’s the best day he’s had in awhile. He ate today, he got through fifth period and held a conversation for ten minutes straight. He’s doing better. 

Today’s a good day. It has to be. 

And then it’s sixth period, the free period he’s been waiting for. He can go on his phone and forget, he can get caught up on meme culture and scroll past all the blocked posts tagged with _#TheSnappening_. He can listen to music and let his head rest.

Someone he doesn’t care enough to remember has other ideas. She looks nervous, with hunched shoulders and an awkward gait as she walks up to him and waves. “Hi,” she clears her throat. “You’re Peter Parker, right?”

“Yes,” he says. “I am.”

The girl, obviously a freshman, points behind her to a couple of friends snickering and stealing glances at them. One pulls out a phone to record, and his spidey senses flare. “They want me to ask you a question.” 

“Go for it,” he encourages tiredly. He probably won’t have an answer. 

She fidgets for a few seconds, probably reconsidering, before rushing out all at once, “Whatdiditfeelliketogetdusted?” 

His fingers go cold, his lungs collapse. The sky goes orange. “What?”

“What… what did it feel like to get dusted?” she repeats, regret thick in her voice.

He chokes on nothing, everything. On dust and air that isn’t from Earth. On blood and fear.

The floor feels like concrete, even when it’s smooth tile. His knees feel broken, but they’re not.

His senses are going haywire, screaming at him.  _ You’re dying,  _ they tell him.  _ You’re dying, you need to stop it. _

Everything’s ringing, he can vaguely hear voices.  ~~_ It’s alright, you’re alright. _ ~~

He can’t breathe, he’s suffocating on ash. His fingers are clumsy as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, and his hands instinctively hit Mr. Stark’s contact. He can’t call May, she’s at work. Mr. Stark always helps him breathe.

He’s hysterically crying now, terrified. He doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t want to leave. ~~He wants to go home, and Mr. Stark is the closest thing.~~

He puts his phone on speaker, and sobs when the call goes to voicemail. He can’t inhale.

His hands shake when he presses the call again button. And again, and again. 

He’s not picking up, Mr. Stark isn’t picking up! Why isn’t he picking up? ~~He promised, he promised!~~

He flinches violently when someone touches his shoulder, it feels like he’s being seared. He presses the call button again, desperate to escape the horror. He can feel his body ripping itself apart. He screams.

_ “This is the personal phone of Tony Stark. You’re someone important if you know this number. Call me back.”  _

~~ He was someone important, wasn’t he? ~~ Did he change numbers? ~~Did he forget?~~  Was he in a meeting? ~~Was he ignoring him?~~

_“Peter,”_ someone calls. It’s not Mr. Stark, he doesn’t respond. It’s too loud to hear his own voice anyways.

He clutches his phone to his chest, it’s his lifeline. He’s dying, he’s dying and Mr. Stark isn’t here to hold him this time. He’s unraveling, unraveling for the second time. His ears feel like they’re bleeding, his eyes feel like they’re being gorged. 

He hits the panic button on his watch, and it lights up. He’s dying, it’s his last resort. 

Everything’s too much, he’s too much. He claws at his shirt, it feels like burlap and hay. ~~He’s too much, he needs to stop.~~

He curls in on himself, vision getting dark and blotchy. His lungs are deprived of oxygen, he’s dying. He’s dying, and he’s doing it alone. 

He’s alone and cold and terrified, and he’s dying. 

He can faintly hear someone familiar before the tiles bite into his head, and he’s gone. 

~~ Death feels a lot like falling asleep. ~~

* * *

 

He wakes up at home, the ceiling staring down at him impassively from above his bed.

Aunt May tells him later that Mrs. Potts– was is Mrs. Stark?– got the notification from his watch, that Mrs. Potts also thought that he was dying. Aunt May tells him that she called her, that his lungs expanded when he passed out. Aunt May tells him that he’s alive, and that Mr. Stark isn’t.

Peter throws his phone at a wall, completely shattering it and leaving a hole in the wall in the process. He can’t bring himself to feel guilty enough to apologize.

The first thing he does when he sets up his new phone with all the stuff he saved from the Cloud is delete Mr. Stark’s contact number. He doesn’t exist anymore, why should it?

On April 29th, 2023, not 2018, he goes back to school, and he tells Ned and the girl that he’s okay.

It’s been five years since 2018.

~~He can’t remember what okay feels like anymore.~~   
  


**Author's Note:**

> pls leave feedback, and maybe tell me thoughts on endgame!! i love talking to people about it, yalls opinions r so interesting! :D
> 
> yell at me on tumblr!! @viviixen


End file.
